Losing The Love of Your Life

What do I do now?

I presently work three days a week at a Courtyard Marriott Hotel across the street from UAB Hospital. Over half our daily guests are patients of the hospital or have family members in ICU. Some days you hear great news of family members recovering who get to go home, but then are days when you see family members broken and hear that their family member didn't make it out of ICU. By far the worst experience for me to witness occurred about three weeks ago, but I remember like it was yesterday.

It was another typical morning for me at the front desk. People made their usual trip past my desk to check out or to head over to the hospital. Around 9am one gentleman in his mid-60s came up to me and said, "It is possible for me to extend my room for another night? You see, my wife is over in the ICU and depending how she does will depend on whether I will need the room or not." I went ahead to extend his stay and just told him to keep us informed when he could about his situation. The gentleman left for the ICU and my day continued as usual. It was now 2pm and I was preparing my paperwork for the day's transactions when the gentleman returned from the hospital. He walked slowly and quietly to the front desk. As he came closer I noticed his face was flushed and his eyes seemed to be glazed over with recent tears. In a low voice all he said to me was, "I'm not going to need the room tonight". He proceeded up to his room to collect his things and then left the hotel with a look of confusion because he did not seem sure of what to do next.

You see his wife wasn't able to make it out of ICU and died sometime that afternoon. He didn't tell me this outright, but with the look and tone of his short phrase "I will not need the room". What else can one say after losing the love of their life? What does one do after losing a love that has lasted 40yrs? This man had few words and few answers. I'm not married and even I can't imagine going to sleep with my wife next to me every night for 40yrs and then the next night going to bed alone. Do young married couples ever think about it? Or do they think that such an event is a long way off? Spouses, old or young, please listen to me. If your spouse makes through the day without hearing "I love you", then shame on you. Whether you're on a business trip or taking the kids to soccer practice, PICK UP THE PHONE AND TELL THEM "I love you". With each passing moment is another passing chance to you let your spouse know how you feel.

So this week I encourage all spouses to realize the fragility of life. Old or young, death makes no exceptions. Also spouses, be thinking about of you will handle losing the other. I'm not saying there is a correct way, but you must find a way for the sake of family and friends who love you. Because whether or not you believe it, there is coming a day when you go to bed together, but wake up alone. There is coming a day when you go to the hospital together, but leave alone. Maybe by thinking about it we will not end up like the gentleman at the hospital who was lost with no idea of what to do next. Then again, it maybe the gentleman is teaching us the reality of losing the love of your life.


CJE



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Can You Spare Some Grace?

A child of God

For the past two years now I have lived or worked in the city. From the fall of 2003 til the summer of 2004 I lived and worked in New York City. From the fall of 2004 til the summer of 2005 I worked in downtown Cincinnati. Now in the fall of 2005 I work and live in downtown Birmingham. There is a common thread with each of these cities where I have spent consider time living and working. What links each of these urban cities is the huge number of homeless people that dwell on the streets and sidewalks. So today's post is an education for those who live and work in the suburbs that have no idea what I am talking about. The only times residents of the wealthy subdivision see homeless people are in the movies, but to those who live downtown the interaction with the homeless is a daily experience. Sadly, the most callous treatment of the homeless comes from surbanite Christians who think the homeless are just faking it or just lazy addicts. Again, today's post is an education.

I currently live on the campus of UAB located in the Five Points South area of downtown Birmingham. I encounter the homeless every time I venture to Starbucks for a cup of coffee or to Jim-N-Nick's for the best grilled catfish. It has been growing experience for me. At first I had to fight the urge taught to me by society of just ignoring their pleas for change, but after giving change the first couple times it felt good to give these people whatever I had on me. Most times it's a dollar or two, but sometimes I have a $5. It's tempting to break the $5 up at the restaurant and then give him or her the dollar, but I now hand over the $5 without much thought. I even had the bizarre opportunity to pay for a homeless man's Subway footlong. Though he ordered the sub before he asked me to pay, but whatever.

Why do we as Christians hesitate to give change to the homeless who ask us? Am I the only one to have struggled with this feeling? First, the individual must stop looking at the big picture of homelessness. It may seem like my giving of change are futile efforts that do nothing to solve the problems that cause homelessness. True, but as an individual I am not responsible for coming up with grand solutions to end homelessness. It is the responsibility of the Church as a unified whole to develop productive programs that help bring an end to homelessness. The homeless themselves are not looking for well constructed programs to help them out of poverty. The homeless are just trying to make it to the next day. So if my little amount of change can get them a small bite or drink that helps them make it to next day, then I feel my futile efforts have purpose.

Second, we must deny the temptation to wonder what they might do with our change. Most people deny the homeless their change because they fear it might be used to buy drugs or alcohol. The idea that the change would go to drugs it pretty silly because most hard drugs are pretty expensive and not within the homeless man's budget. The worry it might go to alcohol is more reasonable. Right or wrong, my brother had an interesting observation to my change possibly going to alcohol, "when you have to sleep on the cold concrete, it's nice have a drink to keep you warm." Regardless of my worries it's really none of my business what the homeless do with the money. Once the hotel gives me my paycheck it's no longer their money and it is none of their business how I spend my paycheck. The same is true with the money I give to the homeless. Once the money leaves my hand it becomes their money and none of my business. I hope they choose a Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger over a bottle of Jack Daniels, but I can't make the choices for them. I can only try to help them get to the next day.

Third, we worry too much that we might get taken advantage of. What if they are faking it? What if they are lying to me? What if they are trying to trick me? All I have to say to such questions is, So What? If a homeless person lies or takes advantage of you, then so what? Let me ask you a question now. Either regrettably or shamefully, how many times have you taken advantage of the grace of Christ? How many times have you given into your selfish desires thinking you could use the grace of Christ clean up any mess left behind? How many times a day do you abuse the grace of Christ for the sake of your pride or lust? If Christ were merely human, then he would cut off the supply to grace a long time ago. But thankfully he is also divine and embodies the divine unconditional love of God. Thankfully we are made in the image of God and also posses the ability to express the divine unconditional love we do not deserve.

So this coming week I encourage those who live in the city to change their ideas about the giving of change to the homeless. Think of it not as giving change, but as giving grace. If God grants us more grace than we deserve, then how can we deny the homeless who are the most void of grace. For those living in the suburbs I encourage to visit the downtown and have your stereotypes completely blown away. Some might label downtown as nothing more than a wretched jungle, but the homeless call it home. Some might think of the homeless as lazy animals, but I tend to think of the homeless as children of God. As children of God I find both of us asking Christ, can you spare some grace?


CJE


Coming Next Week: Losing The Love Of Your Life

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