No Time For Marriage

Putting On The Chains

Finally, what you all have been waiting for. A 24 year old single guy who lives with parents is going to set the record straight and give you his view of marriage. At this point of my life I have taken a different view to marriage. To me at 24, I see marriage as a hindrance. I see it as a obstacle course full of barriers that block me from what I want to do and where I want to go. I don't know, maybe it's because I went to a Church of Christ college where many people determined another's worth by their marital status. So today I am going to take a stand for the single guy or girl who is tired of feeling like a second citizen just because he or she is not handcuffed by the chains of marriage.

First, Marriage binds you to the "double-check". An estimated 90% of my friends are either married or engaged(including my younger brother). Any time I ask one of the guys if they want to go to a movie or a ballgame I always get the same response, "Hey man that sounds great, just let me double-check with the wife". More times than not after completing the double-check I hear, "Hey man sorry, but my wife just reminded me we'd already planned to spend the evening with her third cousin on her mother's side." You see when you are single you are your own double-check. There is nobody to check with. More importantly, there is no one making commitments for you. You alone decide where you are going to and who you are going to hang out with. Sometimes getting my married friends to do stuff feels like I'm putting in a vacation request at work crossing my fingers that the boss will approve.

Second, The roots of Marriage makes the world smaller. Right now I see marriage as making one's world smaller and by that I mean it makes his or her circle of influence smaller. In marriage, roots start to grow and soon take hold which inables the person from moving freely as he or she once did. A once big open world full of possiblity suddenly turns into a world of limitations. Married people can't just take off somewhere unknown at the drop of a hat. There's plannning and considerations that have to be made. Sure married couples take the occassional exotic trip to Europe or Central America, but only after months and months of planning. The single person is free to go wherever at moment's notice. There are no roots holding the single person to the ground keeping him or her in the same small place. The single person is free to roam what Tom Petty calls The Great Wide Open.

Third, Marriage is one big compromise. Married couples are forever making compromises for each other which is to average person is a beautiful thing. I, however, cannot afford to compromise at this point in my life. As you know my one desire right now is to live in NYC and work with Shiloh. This desire is so strong I am not willing to compromise it for anything. Some might call that selfish, but how is the desire to serve at-risk youth selfish? If there is even a slight possiblity that marriage could compromise my desire, then marriage is not for me right now.

Some people look at me strange when I tell them I don't want to get married. As if there is something worng with me. They are forever asking me, "Why don't you?". Forever asking for reasons when in fact the only reason I need is that I don't want to. I am not preparing for marriage as some have suggested to me. I am preparing for NYC and the work of Shiloh. If you are happily married, then God bless you and I wish you nothing but the best. All I am saying is that not everyone in the world wants or needs to get married. All I am asking for is a little respect for the single guy as I continue to respect those who are deeply in love and happliy married.



CJE


Coming Next Week: The Art of Disagreement

Read more...